How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible

In this episode of What’s the Universe Say About That?, Mike and Mary explore one of life’s most difficult questions: How do we forgive in the hardest of circumstances?

Loss, grief, and tragedy can leave us feeling broken, angry, and far from peace. We asked the Universe how to begin healing after the unthinkable, and whether forgiveness is truly possible when the pain feels overwhelming.

The guidance that came through is deeply compassionate, gentle, and understanding, offering a path toward forgiveness that honors grief rather than rushing past it.

This episode is for anyone navigating loss, heartbreak, or unresolved pain, and for those who love someone who is. A tender reminder that peace and love are still possible, even after profound loss.

Follow Mike and Mary on Instagram @mikeandmaryofficial

Questions or comments for Mike and Mary?
Email them at: WhatsTheUniverseSay@gmail.com

To learn more about Mike and Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To arrange a private reading with Mary to receive the guidance the Universe has for you, visit:
maryobana.com/private-readings

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mike Lannon

Are you struggling to find forgiveness in your heart?

Mary Obana

This is a sensitive and weighty topic.

We asked the universe, what should we know about forgiveness?

Mike Lannon

Welcome to this episode of What's the Universe Say About That?

Mary Obana

I'm Mary Obana, and along with my husband, Michael, we ask the universe for answers.

You see, I'm blessed with this beautiful gift where I get quiet and I can connect with the loving guidance of the universe.

Mike Lannon

So today, you'll see and hear Mary connect directly to that divine guidance and hear the words of wisdom flow directly through her in response to questions about life and the challenges we all face at certain times.

Mary Obana

So welcome to our home.

Mike Lannon

And welcome to this now normal, but always amazing part of our daily lives.

So sit back, get ready, and let's hear what the universe has to say about that.

Mary Obana

Let's do it.

Hi, welcome back.

Mike Lannon

Hey, everybody.

Today, we're going to tackle a big subject, forgiveness.

Now, there's been a lot, every church sermon and self-help books, it talks a lot about forgiveness.

But I think what we're going to kind of delve into today is there is the idea of mental forgiveness, where you can say, I forgive you, and you kind of think everything's all good, we're square.

But you know that there's still that negative energy still inside you.

And I've experienced that.

I want to know, how do you get rid of that energy?

How do you transform it from a negative, low vibration energy that the slightest trigger can kind of bring that all back to the surface and really replace it with a true sense of peace that I think ultimately is what forgiveness is meant to give you.

Mary Obana

Okay.

Mike Lannon

Does that make sense?

Mary Obana

That's a biggie.

Mike Lannon

It's a biggie.

Mary Obana

Yeah.

Mike Lannon

But we're here.

Mary Obana

It's a good question.

Who knows the answer?

They know the answer!

Mike Lannon

So we'll tackle a big one.

And I think anyone that has... We've all had to forgive someone.

Mary Obana

Yeah.

And there's big forgiveness and little forgiveness.

You know, there's...

Mike Lannon

That's exactly it.

Yeah.

So I think we're going to kind of dive into what's behind the curtain of forgiveness.

Mary Obana

All right.

Mike Lannon

Okay?

Mary Obana

All right.

Mike Lannon

All right. Let's do it.

Mary Obana

Okay.

The Universe

You chose a meaty topic.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a big topic because it carries such deep emotion.

At the root of forgiveness are these feelings of anger, frustration, unfairness.

There are many emotions that exist and are carried when one is met with the opportunity to forgive.

First, you don't want to live with those feelings.

You don't want to carry those feelings.

Because as wrong as another has been, those feelings don't serve you.

There are many different forms and reasons that you are being asked to forgive.

The biggest is when someone has been taken from you.

In a tragic way.

In a way that was at the hand of another.

It is hard to forgive. 

Forgiveness is hard in this most egregious circumstance.

Because how can it be okay to have taken someone loved so deeply? 

How can you relieve the other of the responsibility of taking one who you love so deeply?

And so you see, there are so many emotions associated with the circumstance that is the basis for forgiveness.

Forgiveness can also sometimes feel like you somehow are not valuing the one who has been taken away if you forgive.

There are always so many emotions deeply intertwined with the circumstance.

This unfortunate circumstance that you have been met with.

Forgiveness is not relieving the other of the responsibility of what has happened.

Forgiveness is relieving yourself of the anger and the hate.

Just because you forgive doesn't absolve the other for what they have done.

What forgiveness is, is relieving yourself of the anger and the hatred that can then dominate your life. 

When one is faced with such a difficult circumstance, it is hard to live with peace.

It is hard to find the joy in life again.

Forgiveness is a step for your healing, you see.

Forgiveness is a step for your healing.

When you separate the wrong, the act, the circumstance, from the feelings you carry because of the act or circumstance, it helps to focus your energy on that which serves you.

There are other methods, means, for justice.

Forgiveness is about healing.

There are big circumstances, and there are smaller circumstances. 

Some of the smaller ones might be something someone said to you that was hurtful.

Whatever it might be, the feelings you're carrying because of that external action are preventing you from living your life to the fullest.

It's important to speak a moment about the big forgiveness.

Because when we speak of living your life to the fullest, and someone you love has been lost and taken from you, there can be a great amount of guilt associated, felt, when you feel joy.

Somehow, you can feel that you are not honoring the one who has been lost by feeling joyful.

It is important to spend a moment here, because the one you have lost in this physical experience wants nothing more than for you to live fully, to love fully. To honor the one who has been lost, is to live in the fullness that they would want for you.

Now, back to the feelings you have when you feel you have been wronged in some way, deceived.

Someone has said something unkind.

Someone has hurt you deeply.

Someone has not met their commitment.

Someone has wronged you.

These feelings are real, deeply felt, but holding on to those feelings creates resistance within you.

Resistance is an energy.

When you have an energy of resistance, you prevent yourself from so much.

An energy of resistance doesn't allow the goodness to come in, the love to be felt, the joy to be experienced.

Resistance is a wall that prevents everything good from coming to you.

Some may feel resistance is a protective shield, one that prevents you from getting hurt again.

But you see, living your life out of fear of being hurt prevents the love that is meant for you.

So, forgiveness is a topic, a subject, that is grounded in the presence of unwanted energy within you, unwanted feelings.

As just as you think they may be to hold, they are preventing you from all that is meant for you, all the joy that is possible for you, all the love that is waiting for you.

So, understanding what is present within you when we speak of forgiveness is essential.

So, how do you shift?

How do you heal?

How do you let go of these feelings that are burdening your life?

There are many paths to do this, but the biggest one is love.

But we're going to perhaps say something that might surprise you.

It's less about love for the other and is more about love for yourself.

The ability to give yourself the love, to relieve yourself of the burden, opens the world, the way, the path to freeing yourself of the pain and the hurt and is an opportunity to take a step toward healing.

So, how do you shift?

How do you let go of these feelings that are burdening your life?

Separating the anger, letting in the love, and knowing that when another says something again, the resolve to say, I'm not going to let you do that to me.

I'm not going to allow you to place that energy within me because I will not live that way anymore.

You see, like everything, it is a choice.

Whatever way that you can find that can enable you to find that love is the path that will work for you.

Some, given a unique circumstance, might shift what happened, finding a way to think about it differently so that you can find the love for yourself.

You can let the love in for yourself.

You can live without that anger and hurt that you carry.

So much of forgiveness and this topic focuses on the wrong of the other.

We ask that you focus on the energy and hurt that you're holding.

When you focus on the wrong of the other, it's difficult to find a path out.

When you focus on the love of yourself and recognize the hurt and the anger that is within you, you can focus on the healing for yourself.

That releasing of that energy that you are holding that does not serve you, that is forgiveness. 

Releasing that energy within you, that is forgiveness.

It is not making what the other has done okay.

It is finding the love within yourself.

Does this make sense?

Mike Lannon

Yeah, it's a difficult topic.

There is anger.

Anger seems to be the easiest, most dominant emotion.

It crowds out everything else.

The Universe

Yes.

Anger is a fierce, powerful energy.

But as justified as you might feel that anger is, we ask you to consider how is that anger serving you?

This is a difficult subject because it is so greatly charged.

The emotion that is held is deeply felt.

Mike Lannon

Can you talk just a little bit, especially someone who is in a very dire situation and they're feeling that great sense of anger.

One important forgiveness experience I had, it not only was a question of letting go of that, but it was replaced with emotions I wouldn't have expected like joy and gratitude.

Can you talk a little bit about what's on the other side?

It's not just forgive and forget kind of thing or just forgive and let go.

Can you talk about where it may lead?

The Universe

So as we said, this work begins with the separation of that which has occurred.

Once you separate that which has occurred, allowing whatever it is to unfold, allowing yourself to address that which has happened.

Separating the action from the feeling that you have.

Once you are able to find the way for you to address the anger within you, it is really a process that is less about the act and more at that point about you managing the feelings within you.

Once you are able to focus your energy on that which can fill you, this is when things shift.

So let's use as an example a tragic circumstance where one has been taken from you in an unjust way.

Separating the act, allowing that act to be addressed in the ways that it must, then turning your attention to the feeling that you have.

The feeling of anger and injustice and loss and hurt and pain.

Once you can find a way to focus your energy not on the act that has taken the one you loved away, but instead on the love you have for the one you love, it allows you to focus your attention on the life of the one you love, not on the event that had taken the one you loved away.

Once you focus on the love of the one you loved, the energy changes because you are replacing the anger with the love and gratitude of having this one in your life at all.

And so the other side of it when you do this work is living in gratitude and love for the one that you were gifted with in this life.

So you see the energy shifts when you allow yourself to focus on that.

Does this help?

Mike Lannon

Yeah.

The Universe

It is not easy. It is not easy.

But do not live with the punishment. 

Do not hold that hatred and anger within you.

It does not change what has happened.

It only focuses your attention on the suffering.

Forgiveness is a path to finding the love and the peace that you can for yourself.

Mike Lannon

Thank you.

That is a big one.

Mary Obana

Heavy.

Mike Lannon

It is heavy.

It does not lend itself to kind of quick solutions or, you know, little tips to do.

Fix it.

It is a big process of shifting.

Mary Obana

That was interesting, the delineation between the act and the energy you are holding.

Because somehow in my own mind allows me to kind of separate.

I think I used to think that forgiveness was like condoning, you know.

Accepting what happened.

It is like, no, it is about really addressing the energy that you are holding so you can find a way to heal that energy.

Mike Lannon

You know, it is a little bit of a north star.

If you, I think it can feel selfish to say, you know, I have lost someone or something bad has happened and I am going to focus on myself.

I think for some that can be really hard.

But that north star of saying what would that person want from me.

And even if it is not someone who has died or been taken, you could ask the same question of the universe, you know.

What would the universe want from me or for me?

And in no situation are you meant to suffer.

Suffering is part of the experience.

Or the bad circumstances is part of the experience.

But suffering does not have to be.

Mary Obana

An enduring part.

Yeah, like something you hold forever.

Mike Lannon

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

It is too big of a topic for me to expand upon.

All right.

I hope that it was helpful for folks that are wrestling with this.

Mary Obana

Yeah.

Mike Lannon

You know, I have had an experience myself where it would have been hard for me to kind of intellectually go through a process of forgiveness.

But it did happen for me.

And it was a complete shift and kind of life changing perspective for me.

Mary Obana

Yeah.

Mike Lannon

So.

Mary Obana

Yeah.

Mike Lannon

Anyway, wherever you are, if you are on a path of forgiveness or wherever you are on that path, I hope this has been helpful for you.

Mary Obana

Yeah.

Mike Lannon

So.

Mary Obana

Yeah, absolutely.

Mike Lannon

All right.

See you again next time.

Mary Obana

Thanks for joining us.

Until next time.

Mike Lannon

Bye.