When Life Feels Out of Balance, Part I

We all know what it’s like to feel out of balance: getting pulled in too many different directions, feeling the squeeze of deadlines and commitments, or having too much to do and feeling like you’re not doing any one of them very well. If this sounds familiar, the Universe has some words of wisdom, clarity, and comfort for you.

In this episode of What’s the Universe Say About That?, Mary and Mike ask the Universe for help in bringing our lives back into balance. This conversation sheds light on why we get ourselves into an out-of-balance state in the first place and offers guidance and a fresh perspective to help bring us back to a healthier, more balanced place.

If you’ve ever wondered how to better manage your busy life in a multitasking world—or how to pursue your goals and dreams with passion without becoming overwhelmed—this show will be the north star you need.

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Questions or comments for Mike and Mary?
Email them at: WhatsTheUniverseSay@gmail.com

To learn more about Mike and Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To arrange a private reading with Mary to receive the guidance the Universe has for you, visit:
maryobana.com/private-readings

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mary Obana

(0:00) Do you ever feel out of balance, like you're being pulled in lots of different directions?

Michael Lannon

(0:05) That feeling of being overwhelmed or all the things you have on your list to do, you don't feel like you're really doing any of them particularly well. So we wanted to ask the universe, how do we find more balance in our lives?

Mary Obana

(0:18) Welcome to this episode of What's the Universe Say About That? 

(0:25) I'm Mary Obana, and along with my husband, Michael, we ask the universe for answers. You see, I'm blessed with this beautiful gift where I get quiet and I can connect with the loving guidance of the universe.

Michael Lannon

(0:39) So today you'll see and hear Mary connect directly to that divine guidance and hear the words of wisdom flow directly through her in response to questions about life and the challenges we all face at certain times. 

Mary Obana

(0:53) So welcome to our home 

Michael Lannon

and welcome to this now normal, but always amazing part of our daily lives. So sit back, get ready, and let's hear what the universe has to say about that.

Mary Obana

(1:05) Let's do it.

(1:07) Hi, everyone. 

Michael Lannon

(1:08) Hey, everybody. So today we're going to talk about a subject that I think everyone has experienced.

It's that sense of being out of balance. So we're going to talk about balance today.

Mary Obana

(1:18) Yeah, it's that sense of being pulled in lots of different directions. I know I've felt it a lot as a mom and as a business person, and you're just feeling like you're going in a lot of different directions and not really doing anything well.

Michael Lannon

(1:31) Yeah. So the question I want to know is, first of all, is balance the state we're supposed to be in? 

Or is balance just, or being out of balance, is that just kind of how life works? And if we are out of balance, how do we get back into balance?

Mary Obana

(1:49) Okay, that's great. So is balance important?

If it is, how do we get there? All right.

Michael Lannon

(1:55) Great.

Mary Obana

(1:56) Let's do it. All right, here we go. 

The Universe

(2:11) Well, hello.

We are so glad you have raised this question. In the human experience, so many struggle with the desire to feel balance, to be in balance. But what we wish for you to know is, what is balance anyway?

What is it that you are seeking? It seems like balance is the thing you want because you feel like you are being pulled in many directions and you feel like you aren't doing anything as well as you would wish. But what you are truly seeking is peace and calm.

What you truly desire is a sense of peace. Many point to balance because there's this palpable feeling of dissatisfaction, feeling like you are running in many directions, not doing enough of anything that you feel is important, family, work, self-care, whatever it might be. This feeling that one feels, it feels anxious, it feels unsettling.

There's a focus on what it is you are not doing and less on what it is you are. Balance, or more importantly or accurately, peace, comes from an acceptance of oneself, compassion for oneself. 

(4:49) Every one of you are at times so very hard on yourself.

There are great expectations of what it is you feel you must do, what it is you must accomplish. You have many areas in your life, many roles and responsibilities, and with each one, an expectation that either has been defined by you or another. And when you feel you are not meeting or fulfilling the expectation that has been established, defined, set, you feel you are not doing enough.

(5:45) But you see, the human condition is one of, it has many facets. You know when you are doing the best you can in the circumstance that is. At any one time, there might be a component, a part of your life that requires more of your attention, and so it pulls you in that direction.

And when that happens, inevitably, you feel the other areas of your life, the roles that you must play, are unwavering, unyielding, lack understanding. So many times, what it is, the angst that you feel, comes from you. More times than not, that feeling that you aren't doing enough, that you aren't enough, comes from you.

(7:14) And so, to feel a sense of peace as you wear the many hats you do in your life, exercise some self-compassion, understanding. You also will be surprised when you talk about these other areas that you feel you must fulfill, responsibilities you must meet. Most would be surprised when they talk with the other. The other typically don't even notice. 

(8:13) So much of this angst, this feeling, this discomfort that comes from feeling you aren't enough, aren't doing enough, much is self-imposed. To find peace within yourself is to recognize that as long as you operate out of a place of love and genuine effort, it is enough.

(9:01) One other point we wish to raise, the greatest peace comes from focusing on who you are. You see, the mind tells you that you must be this, you must be that, you must do this, you must do that. And so often you are pulled in many directions.

(9:38) Some can be not because it's something that you wish to focus on, but something that someone else wishes for you to focus on. So it's an invitation to check, are the things that you have in your life serving your highest good? It is an invitation to assess what is in front of you.

Does this create clarity?

Michael Lannon

(10:28) My mind is swimming with a lot of, but what about this? So I have two main questions. Just to bring it to a finer point, I'm going to ask them both so I don't forget.

One is, if you've got a bunch of things in your life that you want in your life, it could be children, it could be work, it could be, like you said, self-care, exercise, whatever. These are things that you want in your life. And they're all mouths to feed, metaphorically speaking, and they're all little birds in the nest saying, feed me more, more, more.

The two questions are, is it proper or is the goal to, if you have five things in your life, five main things, each gets 20% and you kind of equally dispense yourself to all of them? That's one question. 

(11:32) And then the second question is, where peace is balance, what practical steps or ideas or concepts would you give to someone who wrestles with peace and ambition?

And ambition can feel, it can come out, it's not just, say, career ambition. It could be, I want to do all these things in my life. And peace sounds very passive.

Did you get those two?

The Universe

(12:08) Yes. So let's address the first. The first is, is balance an equal distribution of time and effort and attention to the areas that require your attention?

No. But it can be. What is most important?

What is truly most important? Sometimes in one week, your work might require more attention because of something that is happening. In another week, your child could have a lot of school activity or perhaps even be home sick.

You see, all these different things have different times. These external forces, these responsibilities have varying needs at varying times. So understanding this and acknowledging this and allowing for this and giving yourself some grace to operate within those realities.

Everyone is so hard on themselves, demanding so much of themselves, demanding perfection in every area, under every circumstance, at all times. Offer some grace to yourself. 

(13:52) The second question is one of ambition.

What if you want to do all these things and all these things are important to you? Yes?

Michael Lannon

(14:09) Yes. Meaning, yes, that's true. And then separately, finding peace with all those things.

As you know, I think a lot of people are hearing a message of focus and go a hundred percent at whatever you do and it's not a particularly peaceful way to live. So how does ambition and peace kind of live together?

The Universe

(14:40) It seems you understand peace to be inaction. It seems you believe that peace is doing nothing and accepting what is.

Peace comes from an understanding and a feeling of self-compassion. In this situation, peace comes from this, you see. Peace comes from accepting and being compassionate to yourself that you are doing what it is you can.

(15:26) Peace doesn't come from throwing up your arms and saying, I'm not doing anything and I'm going to feel peaceful about it. Each of you have those things in your life that you care about deeply and want to focus your energy on. And if you've determined that these things are in service to you, then focusing on those things and having those things in your life is a delight.

(15:57) How you feel about, how you engage, in each of those things in this regard comes from a set expectation and a measurement, an assessment, self-critical evaluation about whether you are meeting that objective, that level of performance, that focus. Peace comes from knowing that you are doing all you can genuinely and focusing on the areas that are of greatest importance at any time. It is interesting to us that so many of you also feel you must do each and all of these things alone.

(17:16) You seldom ask for help. You seldom discuss or talk or share with another what it is you can do that week and that moment. There is an unyielding expectation that each of you put on yourselves.

(17:55) You would be surprised if you engage with others and share what might be going on at any time in the appropriate way, of course. But the point is so many feel that the others that you are engaging with are unforgiving and understanding like you would as a couple. Something's going on at work and you might speak with your partner and say, hey, I've got a lot going on at work this week. Would you mind picking up our son on those days where I can't this week? This exchange is back and forth. You see, you're not in this life experience alone.

(19:02) Does this help? 

Michael Lannon

(19:03) Yeah. Does that include asking for guidance when you say we're not alone?

The Universe

(19:11) Of course. And asking for the peace and the understanding and the self-compassion. Even that gesture, you see, of turning your attention and focus to that allows room for within yourself for understanding and self-compassion.

Everyone feels they must operate at 100% in every facet of their life all the time without compromise. You do the best you can as long as it is the best that you can. You know what it is.

Michael Lannon

(20:17) Yep. I'm thinking that best we can is actually better when we're in a peaceful mode as opposed to juggling 30 different things and feeling pulled in 30 different directions.

The Universe

(20:35) Taking a breath, pausing, breathing, centering yourself, opening yourself to the clarity there's such a energy of go, go, go, do, do, do. It is important to operate with intention, not just doing but being intentional with how you devote your energy and time.

Michael Lannon

(21:29) Thank you.

The Universe

(21:33) We hope it has been helpful.

Michael Lannon

(21:35) Very.

The Universe

(21:38) All of you are doing so much better than you think. So hard on yourselves. So hard on yourselves.

(21:50) Trust that you are not alone. Breathe. 

Michael Lannon

(22:01) Thank you. 

I could have gone on for about another hour and a half on that one. That was great.

(22:21) It was strange the whole time I had this image in my head of, I think we've all seen this, you'd see one parent and it could be ourselves, but you'd see one mother with one kid and going crazy, just can't keep it together and all that. And then you see another mother with six kids and you can just see that mother is in a state of calm 

Mary Obana

(22:52) Within the chaos.

Michael Lannon

(22:53) Within the chaos, exactly. And it's just, that's the image I had. This is the mother with the six kids in the chaos, a calm mother.

That's better for everybody. And she's probably a more, I'm going to say a more present mother.

(23:11) And the kids benefit from that calmness and she's not sitting on the couch. She's being a great mother, but she can still be calm amidst the chaos. And we've had experiences in crisis situations or in business situations that the idea of trying to serve all these masters and get everything just right and stuff, it doesn't work.

(23:42) It's the calm is what's needed.

Mary Obana

(23:45) Yeah. And the interesting thing about that example is that the differences in that scenario, if I'm picturing it properly or accurately, is that the mom that is calm is completely present in that moment.

Michael Lannon

(24:00) And it's a weird thing, but it's like accepting like, okay, he's going to fall down and she might spill some milk, but kind of accepting of just, this is the joy of the experience as opposed to stop doing that, stop doing that, stop doing that. And...

Mary Obana

(24:16) And I can imagine the other mother to continue is maybe distracted thinking about all the things she has to do.

Michael Lannon

(24:24) Exactly, at work or whatever.

Mary Obana

(24:25) I have to work or I've got to go pick up whatever, or I have to go grocery shopping, I have to make dinner, I have to... So they're not necessarily present there. So they're scattered. Their attention and energy is scattered.

Michael Lannon

(24:35) It doesn't make anyone feel good.

Mary Obana

(24:37) Yeah.

Michael Lannon

(24:37) Yeah.

Mary Obana

(24:39) Sometimes easier said than done when you're in that moment.

Michael Lannon

(24:41) For sure. But that idea of checking, it's getting a sound kind of woo here, but it's like when you're feeling that, whoa, you know, everyone knows what that feels like, that out of balance feeling. Instead of saying, I've got to get everything in balance, manage all the pieces or whatever.

It's more like I've got to step back, almost take a deep breath and accept, be kind to yourself and, I don't know, laugh it off or whatever, but it's more about your state as opposed to...

Mary Obana

(25:21) What's really happening.

Michael Lannon

(25:22) All the pieces. Yeah.

Mary Obana

(25:23) Yeah, that's true.

Michael Lannon

(25:24) Get back into a good state.

Mary Obana

(25:25) Yeah, that's true.

Michael Lannon

(25:28) That's really cool. 

You know, it's funny, there's so many different ways of balance. I know what we did because of me, but my version of balance was a hundred percent and then zero percent.

It was a hundred percent, then zero percent. And I kind of averaged the two and came up with 50 percent.

Mary Obana

(25:47) Over time, yeah.

Michael Lannon

(25:47) Over time. It's a kind of a crazy way to live. So there's a lot of difference.

That's why I asked that question about, is it, are we supposed to live 20, 20, you know, if it's a hundred percent and you've got five things, is it 20 percent for each? And they were pretty clear there. No, it's not.

It's not a perfect division of time and energy. It's sometimes you are going to be a hundred percent on one thing, but it, it balances. And yeah, you know, you adjust as long as it's intentional.

Mary Obana

(26:15) So yeah, pretty cool.

Michael Lannon

(26:17) I mean, I seriously, I could have kept going there because I think there's a lot of still questions, but that was really, really helpful.

Mary Obana

(26:25) Okay.

Michael Lannon

(26:26) Yeah.

Mary Obana

(26:27) Good. Well, hopefully it was helpful for you too.

Michael Lannon

(26:29) Yeah, I enjoyed it. So we'll see you again, hopefully real soon. 

Mary Obana

(26:36) Yeah. Look forward to it. 

Michael Lannon

(26:38) All right. Thank you guys. See you.

Mary Obana

(26:40) Bye-bye.